"Self- Sabotage is when we say we want someone or something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen!" ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
Why would anyone want to stop themselves from getting what they want you ask? ...the truth is many of us do it subconsciously everyday without even knowing it! People seldom mean to sabotage themselves but have a subconscious tendency to want to spoil things, especially if to them things are going better than they expected (not knowing that it was their expectation that was the problem, not the situation...they were already positioned for greatness but their expectation was too low!)
WHAT EXACTLY IS SELF-SABOTAGE:
Before we go any further it is important to recognize Self-Sabotage and what it looks like. It is a behavior that comes in many forms such as mentally (through negative thoughts like "I'm going to fail"), verbally (through negative self-talk like "I'm not good enough") and physically (through abusive behavior such as arguing, screaming, shouting, breaking things, cursing and physical violence). Although it comes in many forms the results of it are always the same...insecurities, low self-worth, fear, excessive anger, addictions, depression, jealousy, rage and a host of other negative feelings, thoughts and actions!
Once displayed, you are then caught in a constant cycle of adding fuel to the fire....negative thoughts breed more negative talk, which breeds more negative actions which then results in more negative thoughts and so on and so forth...you catch my drift!
Have you ever done something and then immediately after said to yourself..." why did I do that? I just ruined everything!" ...well. that's usually a sign too!
SO HOW & WHY DO YOU DO IT?
Not to go too deep but self-sabotage generally stems from when you were a child. It has been developed throughout your life based upon your childhood, the things you saw, the things you heard and the things your parents, family members and/or role models did around you! This gave you a general perception of what to you was WRONG or RIGHT or POSSIBLE or IMPOSSIBLE and shaped your generals morals, values, prejudices, etc. that you have today.
If your parents disliked dogs and were always scared of dogs when you were growing up, then the chances are that you may grow up disliking dogs too for no other reason than the fact that you learned this behavior from watching others around you.
Likewise, if you had a parent who made millions, you yourself would probably grow up believing it was possible to make that amount of money but if you grew up with a parent always complaining about having no money and money being hard to come by, you most likely grew up with a mindset that money was out of reach and hard to keep.
BUT although your current mindset has a lot to do with your past, and for some may be the cause of self-sabotaging behavior ...understand that you are free to change at any given time! The key is to learn to control your mind, which will then control your words and actions.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT & STOP IT IN ITS TRACKS:
Have you ever said to yourself "this is too good to be true?" ...if the answer is Yes, which I'm sure 99% of us have then right there you committed self-sabotage.
Why? ...because when you tell yourself something is too good to be true, what you are really telling yourself is "I AM NOT WORTHY" enough for this to be happening to me! It's your minds way of preparing for any possible sign of rejection and a way out as you now feel overwhelmed. Its our mind's way of confirming negative thoughts about ourselves and/or a situation. You see our mind acts as a little old mother Hubbard, trying to protect us from the "unknown" at all times by any means necessary including scare tactics!
...so now you have a conflict within the brain! On one hand you are happy and embracing this exciting thing in your life but on the other you are speaking out that you do not believe this should be happening to you and you know what they say ...FAITH & DOUBT CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE! You see when you truly believe in you and the awesomeness of God's plan for you, you will allow yourself to dream, manifest and believe only the best for your life at which point there will never be anything in this world that seems "too good" or "impossible" for you!
HERE ARE A FEW OTHER SIGNS AND HOW TO CONTROL IT:
1. Purposely failing at something rather than giving it your beest shot because you have already convinced yourself you were going to fail. Start believing in yourself...tell yourself "I GOT THIS, I CAN DO THIS & I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ACHIEVE THIS!" and follow through with action.
2. Constantly creating drama and starting arguments with family, friends and in relationships because you do not feel worthy of the love you are receiving. Tell yourself ..."I AM LOVE, I AM WORTHY, I WILL GIVE LOVE IN ABUNDANCE SO I CAN RECEIVE IN ABUNDANCE" and follow through with action.
3. Negative reinforcement in your mind, such as "I CAN"T, I WON'T, I"M NOT WORTHY", these words serve absolutely no purpose in your life. Once you put them out in the universe you have already stopped yourself from doing what you want to do. Change those words to " I CAN AND I WILL FIND A WAY BECAUSE I AM WORTHY OF THIS ASSIGNMENT!" and again, follow through with action.
The list could go on and on but I'm sure you all catch my drift. It is imperative that we all become aware of the thoughts that go on within our minds and that we take every opportunity to only speak positivity and prosperity over our lives in every area. Yes it will be hard at first, you will have to train your mind to think differently than it has for most of your life but all it takes is a conscious daily effort on your behalf and before you know it will become habit.
The truth is some of us say we want to win but secretly we are scared too. We ask for it but don't truly believe we are worth it and we work for it but don't faithfully believe we will get a plentiful harvest from it. Today that STOPS! When those little voices of fear, doubt, insecurity and worry creep in, say "Not TODAY! Get out my way SATAN...I GOT THIS!"
The "IT'S MY LIFE" Coaching Package provides the mindset transformation necessary to help you break free from this cycle. To learn more & to discover the proven exercises and techniques necessary to kick self-sabotage to the curb once and for all, visit my website www.MindsetOverEverything.com
Much Love, Lakisha "the Diva" Ross
"What You Believe, You Will Receive"
Mindset Over Everything, Inc.