"A real sign of growth is when you learn to start checking your own damn self!" - Unknown
"Self- Sabotage is when we say we want someone or something and then go about making sure it doesn't happen!" ~ Alyce P. Cornyn-Selby
Why would anyone want to stop themselves from getting what they want you ask? ...the truth is many of us do it subconsciously everyday without even knowing it! People seldom mean to sabotage themselves but have a subconscious tendency to want to spoil things, especially if to them things are going better than they expected (not knowing that it was their expectation that was the problem, not the situation...they were already positioned for greatness but their expectation was too low!)
WHAT EXACTLY IS SELF-SABOTAGE:
Before we go any further it is important to recognize Self-Sabotage and what it looks like. It is a behavior that comes in many forms such as mentally (through negative thoughts like "I'm going to fail"), verbally (through negative self-talk like "I'm not good enough") and physically (through abusive behavior such as arguing, screaming, shouting, breaking things, cursing and physical violence). Although it comes in many forms the results of it are always the same...insecurities, low self-worth, fear, excessive anger, addictions, depression, jealousy, rage and a host of other negative feelings, thoughts and actions!
Once displayed, you are then caught in a constant cycle of adding fuel to the fire....negative thoughts breed more negative talk, which breeds more negative actions which then results in more negative thoughts and so on and so forth...you catch my drift!
Have you ever done something and then immediately after said to yourself..." why did I do that? I just ruined everything!" ...well. that's usually a sign too!
SO HOW & WHY DO YOU DO IT?
Not to go too deep but self-sabotage generally stems from when you were a child. It has been developed throughout your life based upon your childhood, the things you saw, the things you heard and the things your parents, family members and/or role models did around you! This gave you a general perception of what to you was WRONG or RIGHT or POSSIBLE or IMPOSSIBLE and shaped your generals morals, values, prejudices, etc. that you have today.
If your parents disliked dogs and were always scared of dogs when you were growing up, then the chances are that you may grow up disliking dogs too for no other reason than the fact that you learned this behavior from watching others around you.
Likewise, if you had a parent who made millions, you yourself would probably grow up believing it was possible to make that amount of money but if you grew up with a parent always complaining about having no money and money being hard to come by, you most likely grew up with a mindset that money was out of reach and hard to keep.
BUT although your current mindset has a lot to do with your past, and for some may be the cause of self-sabotaging behavior ...understand that you are free to change at any given time! The key is to learn to control your mind, which will then control your words and actions.
HOW TO RECOGNIZE IT & STOP IT IN ITS TRACKS:
Have you ever said to yourself "this is too good to be true?" ...if the answer is Yes, which I'm sure 99% of us have then right there you committed self-sabotage.
Why? ...because when you tell yourself something is too good to be true, what you are really telling yourself is "I AM NOT WORTHY" enough for this to be happening to me! It's your minds way of preparing for any possible sign of rejection and a way out as you now feel overwhelmed. Its our mind's way of confirming negative thoughts about ourselves and/or a situation. You see our mind acts as a little old mother Hubbard, trying to protect us from the "unknown" at all times by any means necessary including scare tactics!
...so now you have a conflict within the brain! On one hand you are happy and embracing this exciting thing in your life but on the other you are speaking out that you do not believe this should be happening to you and you know what they say ...FAITH & DOUBT CANNOT OCCUPY THE SAME SPACE! You see when you truly believe in you and the awesomeness of God's plan for you, you will allow yourself to dream, manifest and believe only the best for your life at which point there will never be anything in this world that seems "too good" or "impossible" for you!
HERE ARE A FEW OTHER SIGNS AND HOW TO CONTROL IT:
1. Purposely failing at something rather than giving it your beest shot because you have already convinced yourself you were going to fail. Start believing in yourself...tell yourself "I GOT THIS, I CAN DO THIS & I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO ACHIEVE THIS!" and follow through with action.
2. Constantly creating drama and starting arguments with family, friends and in relationships because you do not feel worthy of the love you are receiving. Tell yourself ..."I AM LOVE, I AM WORTHY, I WILL GIVE LOVE IN ABUNDANCE SO I CAN RECEIVE IN ABUNDANCE" and follow through with action.
3. Negative reinforcement in your mind, such as "I CAN"T, I WON'T, I"M NOT WORTHY", these words serve absolutely no purpose in your life. Once you put them out in the universe you have already stopped yourself from doing what you want to do. Change those words to " I CAN AND I WILL FIND A WAY BECAUSE I AM WORTHY OF THIS ASSIGNMENT!" and again, follow through with action.
The list could go on and on but I'm sure you all catch my drift. It is imperative that we all become aware of the thoughts that go on within our minds and that we take every opportunity to only speak positivity and prosperity over our lives in every area. Yes it will be hard at first, you will have to train your mind to think differently than it has for most of your life but all it takes is a conscious daily effort on your behalf and before you know it will become habit.
The truth is some of us say we want to win but secretly we are scared too. We ask for it but don't truly believe we are worth it and we work for it but don't faithfully believe we will get a plentiful harvest from it. Today that STOPS! When those little voices of fear, doubt, insecurity and worry creep in, say "Not TODAY! Get out my way SATAN...I GOT THIS!"
The "IT'S MY LIFE" Coaching Package provides the mindset transformation necessary to help you break free from this cycle. To learn more & to discover the proven exercises and techniques necessary to kick self-sabotage to the curb once and for all, visit my website www.MindsetOverEverything.com
Much Love, Lakisha "the Diva" Ross
"What You Believe, You Will Receive"
Mindset Over Everything, Inc.
"DISCIPLINE not desire will lead you to your DESTINY"
The holidays are over, its now January 2016 and we are all getting back into the swing of things...making plans for this year to be bigger and better, setting resolutions and a host of all other things BUT the truth is without DISCIPLINE all your hopes, dreams and aspirations will never be reached! For some of us we will allow our wants right now to prevent us from obtaining our WANTS & NEEDS & DREAMS all together later.
For e.g. let's use me! ...I spent 21 years punching a clock from 9-5 am every morning, fighting through rush hour traffic, busting my ass every second when I was there, fighting through traffic to get back home again only to enjoy maybe 3 hours in my beautifully furnished home that I never got to see and spend maybe 3 hours with my family before we were all zoned out fast asleep, ready to wake up and repeat the same pattern for the rest of the week! I was always on time, never took time off, excelled in my position and the key to being able to do that was all based on my SELF-DISCIPLINE! I made a decision to show up and show out every day and that's what I did!
Although I now work for myself from home, I still discipline myself to act as if I was an employee, the only difference being that now I am putting in all the work for nobody else but ME. I still get up every morning at approx. 6am (just like I did when I worked as an employee), instead of a rush hour commute I now walk down the hallway (that allows me to show up in my office 1 hour early). I then conduct my entire day like I would if I worked for someone else, 1 hour lunch break and two 10 minute coffee breaks still apply. All personal calls are kept until after 6:30pm, just like I would when I worked for Corporate America.
Now believe me when I tell you, it is not easy sticking to that routine when the only person holding you accountable is YOU ...yea, I'd love to be home and just watch TV all day, get out of my bed at 2pm, go shopping with my girls or hangout all day every day but I CHOOSE not to. Why? ...because I understand that kind of behavior will not allow me to fulfil my dreams quickly and will just serve to hinder rather than progress my success.
You see my message is this: If you do not learn to control your mind and master the keys of self-discipline you will never achieve anything in life, no matter what it may be!
THE 4 SECRETS TO SELF-DISCIPLINE ARE THIS:
CONTROL YOUR MOODS: Our emotions can be our worst enemy. When we allow our emotions to control our thoughts we make irrational decisions that can sometimes push us further away from our dreams. Always THINK before you take any action. If the action you are about to take will not progress your situation or have a positive impact...DON'T DO IT! I'm not in the mood to be happy and bright every day but I "make" myself feel that way because I know it will ultimately allow me to better in my business and better for my clients. I adopt a positive mindset even on my bad days because I know this will allow me to reach my goals quicker.
WATCH YOUR WORDS: Your words are like a magic wand! What ever you speak, you shall receive, so always make sure you are speaking positively and speaking life into people and things. Do not allow gossip, negativity or evilness to flow from your tongue because in doing so you are welcoming those same negative elements back into your life tenfold. I have learned that there is much power in the tongue and have taught myself to only speak when I have something positive to say thereby protecting myself from any negative repercussions a/k/a bad karma.
RESTRAINT OF ACTIONS: This is one of the hardest things to do. Controlling your actions starts in your mind. You have to train yourself to push past what you WANT to do and learn to do only what you NEED to do! For e.g., when I wake up in my warm cozy bed in the mornings, I could easily sleep until 12 in the afternoon but I push myself out of bed at 6:30am because I know this will allow me to fulfil my dreams faster. I substitute my WANT (lying in bed) for my NEEDS (working on my business) to position myself where I want to be in the future.
STICK TO SCHEDULE: An important factor of discipline is time and routine. It is important to stay organized and set deadlines that you adhere to. In addition is also important to adopt a regular routine. This will not only train your mindset but will allow you to set limits and boundaries on anything not adding to or assisting in progressing your dream. Like I stated before, I operate my business just like I was an employee. I show up everyday at from 8-5 with only a 1 hour lunch break, two coffee breaks and all personal calls held until after work hours. If anything occurs during my work time, unless it is life & death, it has to wait until after 6:30pm (just like it would when I worked for Corporate America). SAME RULES & STRUCTURE APPLY.
All of the above tips can work for anything in your life, whether you are trying to become a millionaire, maintain your health, lose weight, start a business, excel at work or be the best student you can be! Nothing can be achieved without SELF-DISCIPLINE which all starts in the mind and you already know my motto is MINDSET OVER EVERYTHING!
Much Love, Diva Ross
"What You Believe, You Receive"